Don't Even Go There—Travel Writing for the Rest of Us

Even if the world is your oyster, you can still chip a tooth on its shell. While travel magazines feature exotic locales of breathtaking beauty, we expose sites so depressing that no traveler this side of Edgar Allan Poe would venture there without a tub-load of tranquilizers. Take Las Vegas (please) and the $5.99 all-you-can-eat buffet line at Sam’s Town. That's the world we explore at Don’t Even Go There.

On this site, we tell of places we’ve visited but wish we hadn’t. We reveal vacation plans gone awry and relate horror stories from the road best abandoned. These true stories reflect where we’ve chosen to go. We only have ourselves to blame. We rarely needed to exaggerate—the truth really is stranger than a Dan Brown novel.

Don’t Even Go There: travel tips for those of us who aren’t escorted by security guards, pampered by wealthy benefactors, or provided a generous per diem. This blog is for seasoned travelers and armchair tourists who want the real world first-hand and head-on, with all its drama, horror, and humor. You’ll laugh at us, cry with us, and decide to stay home more often.

24 July 2008

Quote of the Month

This new quote perfectly encapsulates many of the hard lessons we learned from traveling in less-than-ideal circumstances. Unless you’re a jet-setter with mountains of money, take this advice to heart:

“No one likes to get sick while traveling. It wastes time, forces compromises, and just plain sucks. Regardless of where you are, we recommend drinking plenty of quinine water with a laxative chaser. It’ll keep you going.”

–Mark Bloom & Jason Scholder (2007)


Wilton said...

Note that Mark omits the ending of the evening.

After gassing up at a well-lit filling station and pulling out onto a well-lit street, we were pulled over by an Austin squad car.

“What'd you do?” Mark asked, incredulously.

“I didn't do anything. What'd you do?”

“I didn't do anything. You're driving.”

“Maybe the cop did something.”

“He pulled us over because we look weird,” Mark moaned.

“We don't look weird.”

“We look weird, so he pulled us over.”

“If you think we look weird, then you haven't been around Austin long enough to see the fluorescent green-haired mohawk people with their neon tattoos walking around town barefoot. By Austin standards, we look like corporate lawyers.”

“I don't think I brought enough money for bail. Maybe my wife can wire something. Maybe.”

Now if we had been in Boston, Massachusetts it's certain we'd be in for a smackdown from the cop, innocent or not, weird or not. Seeing as how this was Austin, we could be looking at every possibility from being marched off to Death Row to maybe the cop only wanted to sell us some pot.

As it turns out, I had failed to turn on my headlights when leaving the brightly lit gas station to drive on the brightly lit street. The officer mainly wanted to see if we had been drinking. God bless Mark for reeking of bubblegum from the Big Red soda he had drunk.

So the officer let us go on our way, and he demonstrated the most gracious of manners at that.

In short, we got pulled over because we were not all lit up.

And we got let off for the same reason.

-- Wilton

Mark Bloom & Jason Scholder said...

Note that wilton left this comment here, but it belongs to the next story (Keep Austin Weird). Just another example of how, when the going gets weird, the real weirdness tends to happen. Check out Keep Austin Weird for the rest of the story. It gets better (and weirder).